Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
It's just like the Real World with babies
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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