I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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