I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
