So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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