Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
