ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
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