Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
