I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
