no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
