The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize