her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
