I wish my penis had an off switch
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You don't make any sense
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