I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
