i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
