i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
