No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
