He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
