I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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