when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
No subtext here. People are naked.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
