you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
