one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
