Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
