I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
