I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize