yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
