come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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