fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
whose parrot is this?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Randomize
