He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
