Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
