You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
