Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
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