you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
