just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I need a beard to bite.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
