I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize