Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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