bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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