Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
