That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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