Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
