my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
