I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
