There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
