we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
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