I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
