I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
