so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
