her facebook's as public as her vagina
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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