On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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