I want to walk on stilts...naked
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
