Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
