The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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