His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
