it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I believe in your delicious
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
