I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
My vagina just recognized that song.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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