...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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