My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
not ubering you a puppy
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
