Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
