You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
