Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
